The Misadventures of Uncle Sheo
by Arcial
Summary: Sheogorath was bored and it was driving him up a non-existent wall. Out of pure coincidence, he finds a gate to the Mass Effect Universe. Join Uncle Sheo as he decides to jump through an Oblivion Gate to sate his desire for a maddening, fun time! Rated T for Violence and Language. Rating may change over time.
1. Prologue - How Boring!

**Disclaimer: All Mass Effect and Elder Scroll characters belong to their respective creators.**

 **A/N - I was really bored and thought, "Hey, what's the most random thing you could do? Oh how about putting Sheogorath in the ME?" I'll probably update this once a week. L** **eave a review for any wacky ideas and I'll most likely throw it in! Any how, thanks for reading the small snippet of this crazy beginning~**

* * *

 _Every day is a fun day with Uncle Sheo!_

Turn to the left, and there were jewels up for theft.

Turn to the right, and watch out- the Dremora bite!

However, the fun is slowly dwindling, and that is not alright!

It is time for something new, something more...

Something maddening. **War, Bloody Gore**!

.

.

.

Hm... What might be through here-

Oh my! What is this I hear?

Screams as rich as my cheese! How absolutely _splendid_!

An exhilirating ensanguined event that I have not attended!?

How preposterous! This will not stand!

This is almost as mad as when flaying was banned!

No no no, through here I must go.

Wait for me, dear 'Mass Effect Universe'. _Here comes Uncle Sheo!_


	2. Chapter 1 - The Hole

**Disclaimer: All Mass Effect and Elder Scroll characters belong to their respective creators.**

 **A/N - A hat tip to** ** _Jasongreen_** **about the reaction at the citadel. I was wondering whether to just have a bunch of random drabbles, but then you know what? Screw it. Let's make a story. Much obliged for links towards Sheo's personality.**

 **As a little fun game, leave a name(or message me) from the Mass Effect Series, and I will choose one add them to the story one way or another.**

 **Last but not least, thank you for taking time to read this~**

* * *

 **Chapter 1 - The Hole**

 **The Citadel, Presidium Year 2183- 0700**

"Spirits... Nothing _ever_ exciting happens here," grumbled a well-built turian whose hide was of luscious chocolate, attracting provocative looks everywhere he went. At the corner of his emerald eyes, he saw a rather ravishing-looking human which he winked at, which elicited a heated response, which further boosted his chocolate-y ego.

A taller, much leaner turian gave the smaller one a pointed look. He could never understand the point of appealing to other races, let alone the furry creatures. Being completely silver and with a personality of 'a brick' (according to his protégé), he was perfectly okay with being feared by the lesser races. Besides, if he ever wanted to release stress, the Asari were good enough.

"Patience, you fool." he spat out. "We are only here to turn in a report to the Council, then we're out."

"Great! In the meantime, I'll be heading to the bar!" smiled the chocolate one.

"Nihlus," growled the elder. "Do you seriously think I'm going to stand in the chamber for hours and listen to their insufferable complaints _alone?_ "

"But-"

"No."

"Come on! When was the last time we've actually went somewhere that didn't have people shooting at us within seconds of saying hello!" whined Nihlus.

Saren stopped walking and glared at the broad turian. Despite being an annoying handful, he was right. It had been weeks since either of them got any R&R, or atleast Saren because he would always see the young whelp scurry off in a dark alley with someone whenever he thought his mentor wasn't looking. As much as he loved blowing things up, he was wanting adrenaline from places other than a mercenary base.

After a brief moment of contemplation, Saren nodded. "Fine. I'm going the Purgatory. The council can wait."

Nihlus gave a toothy grin, about-faced, and began to walk- before being stopped by Saren, holding his arm. "Saren? What's wrong?"

The bare-faced turian gave Nihlus a long look before giving an icy smile.

 _O...kaaaay? Saren? Smiling? Either the galaxy's ending, or I'm still passed out covered in medigel_ thought Nihlus.

"I said that _I_ was going to the bar," he grinned. "You go report."

"WHAT!?" screeched Nihlus, his sub harmonics screaming at his unbelievable mentor.

Saren merely opened his omni-tool, sending the younger one information, and started his way towards the lounge, ignoring the stuttering turian behind him. _There were days that were better than others, and this was one of them_ he chuckled internally.

Of course, the moment his day was starting to look brighter, a flash of light sprung from the artificial sky. Hands on their pistols, the turians looked up at the source of the blast, in which a giant gaping hole appeared.

Nihlus's mandibles slackened as he gaped at fiery void, barely registering his teacher running towards the origin of the attack.

"THIS IS PRECISELY THE REASON WHY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SMILE SAREN!" he yelled racing after him.

* * *

 **The Citadel, Southern Ward - 0730**

From further away, the hole in the sky was ginormous.

Upon further inspection, the hole was still ginormous.

Saren hated things bigger than him.

"Spirits... What the hell _is_ that?" coughed his apprentice as he approached him.

Saren focused on his hearing, taking note of the pupil's exhaustion. He must have pushed himself trying to catch up to his teacher running at his full speed. Oops.

"It better be an attack or a technical fault," he grumbled. "Less paperwork and headaches."

The silence between them broke when one of the C-Sec guards pointed a talon up. "I see a figure falling from the center of the hole! Weapons up boys!"

Saren growled as the figure slowly descended into his view.

White fur bent towards the back of his skull like an asari's tentacle. His pale face held fur around his chin. _A beard_ the humans calls it. While the red and purple outfit accented with gold linings screamed mayhem, his eyes was what chilled Saren's already frozen heart. Gold, glowing irises were staring at him through pits of darkness. If the human were a biotic, he could understand the electricity within those eyes, but no. Something about this human...was _inhumane_.

Pointing their guns at the haunting being, they jumped as a loud boom echoed through the Citadel. The hole closed, leaving its occupant levitating with an unnatural smile inches off the ground.

"Why, what a pleasant awakening to this realm!" he sang, spinning around. "I could just rip out your intestines and jump rope!"

Saren cringed at the thought of his inwards getting pulled. Taking a slow breath, he glared at the being.

"Who are you?"

The man turned towards him, staring with malevolent, golden eyes, and smiled.

"Why, my dear Daedroth, if you want to carry your own entrails, call me Daddy," he grinned. "If not, call me Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness."


	3. Chapter 2 - The Madness

**Disclaimer: All Mass Effect and Elder Scroll characters belong to their respective creators.**

 **A/N - Thank you very much for the reviews! Probably (maybe) going to change the update schedule from once a week to twice a week. Once again, thanks for reading~**

 **And yes, because of the xenophobic beliefs of the galaxy, there are mostly Turians in C-Sec at this time.** **  
**

* * *

 **Chapter 2 - The Madness**

 **The Citadel, Southern Ward Year 2183- 0735**

 _Who does this man think he is? Some sort of god?_ Nihlus thought to himself.

Sheogorath's grin exploded into a hearty laugh. "Jolly good guess. But only half right," he gave a small courtesy at the questioning turian. "I'm a mad god. _The_ Mad God, actually. It's a family title. Gets passed down from me to myself every few thousand years."

Saren glanced at a wide-eyed Nihlus and back at Sheogorath. "How did you know what he was thinking?"

"It's a habit," he shrugged. "Most of the mortals who meet me either A. Question my existence and then offer me their innards, or B. I have to rip it out of them." Nihlus shook off his astonishment and aimed his gun.

"Oh stow it, bronze buttercup. As much as I would **love** to gut your guts, I have places to go. Cheese to meet. People to eat."

A C-Sec guard raised his pistol and growled. "Stay where you are, human."

Sheogorath raised an eyebrow and inspected the cop. "Do tell me, are all the dinosaurs in the universe as rude as you, or are you just angry because your mistress left you for some street rat."

A dark blue color surged the turian's face as he tried to keep his sub-harmonics in check. "How- W-what... She-"

"Ooh! That's a lot of money!" he grinned. "Down to y'r last coin? Feisty little lass, wasn't she?"

The surrounding C-Sec guards gaped at the sputtering turian. One approached him from behind and patted his shoulder. "Tervius... Is that true? You said she passed away during a mission."

"I- She did! Don't listen to the human! He's lying!"

"Now now, no need to be a sputtering lunatic," he laughed. "Though I supposed you earned that personality by sleeping with another whose name differs from y'r little memory."

Completely furious at his exposed secret, the Turian aimed his gun directly at the Prince's head.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

Positively beaming at the result of his poking, Sheogorath gave wide smile. "Oh? Did you not want people to find out that y'r wife's sister's a good-"

Another C-Sec guard tried to bull rush the turian, but it was too late. The shot was already fired. Calling for a medic, he cuffed the aggressive murderer. After making sure the criminal couldn't move, he looked back up at the human, expecting a corpse. However, he saw the man standing completely still with a bloody bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

The hearty grin that covered the man's face contorted into a dark smile that he wouldn't wish upon his worst enemies.

"You really shouldn't have done that," he snapped his fingers. "Enjoy the view."

Tervius watched as a green aura quickly envelope his body. One minute he was on the floor, the next, he was kilometers off the ground and underneath him laid a beautiful, golden forest.

"Where-"

That was the last thing the C-Sec guards heard through the comms before they heard a ear shattering scream, then a sickening crunch. A chilling silence crept through the crowd, each person trying to forget the sound they just heard.

"Now, **does anyone else want to go stargazing in the Forest of Mania?** "

A chain of cringes bellowed throughout the large group, each holding their tongues, lest not to further anger him. The stillness in the air was broken when Saren steeled himself and said, "There must be a reason why you came here."

The malicious smile turned into a haughty smirk as Sheogorath nodded. "Why, indeed there is! There I was, sitting on my throne with a side of cheese, of course. Then suddenly, BAM! I was bored! So I decided to come here."

"Do you really expect me to believe that you came here because you were _bored_?"squinted Saren.

"It's all up to you to believe the unbelievable believability of the truth," he laughed. "Pray tell, is the king of your kind nearby?"

Nihlus straightened up. "King? You mean the Councillors?" Saren glared at his apprentice to keep his mouth shut.

"Yes!" he pointed at Nihlus. "Those people up in their thingamajigs! There's at least one in every universe. Mind leading me to politely say hello to them?"

Gawking at the mad god, Saren was about to scream a fluent line of profanity-covered no's, but he remembered how fast he managed to pretty much eviscerate the turian. He would be too much trouble to fight against.

"Fine. Follow me."

A guard raised his head and reached out to the Spectre. "No! What are you doing! You can't bring him to the Council!"

"Would you rather face him in combat instead?" Saren growled as he pointed a talon at at the Prince...who was smiling and waving back.

"I thought so," he took a breath and motioned at a pondering Sheogorath. "Come on. What are you-"

"I believe it's time for a celebration!" he sang as he snapped his fingers. Saren watched as another human- who seemingly appeared out of nowhere came into view. Lacking fur compared to the broader, much more eccentric man, he wore a frilly black outfit with a tinge of red. Unlike Sheogorath, the man looked duller, and more sullen, with eyes dripping monotony.

"Haskill! Cheese for everyone!" clapped Sheogorath. " Wait, scratch that. Save the cheese and bring out the strawberry tarts. Would anyone fancy a strawberry tart?"

A blank face crossed between everyone's face as a silence rolled in.

"What kind of universe is this if you haven't heard of a tart. **A TART!** " he yelled, raising a fist into the air. " **THIS IS BLASPHEMY HASKILL, ISN'T IT!?** "

The lean man merely sighed lethargically. "Yes sire. It is indeed blasphemy."

"I have just the solution for this!" squealed Sheogorath as his body radiated a green glow. Saren stared up at the blue sky, slowly turning into a stormy one.

 _The artificial sky isn't supposed to be able to turn gray_ he thought. Before he could tell the man to stop, he felt a light tap on his head. Shaking his head rapidly, he saw a tiny, red pie slide down a mandible.

" _You_ get a tart, and _you_ get a tart, _everyone_ gets a strawberry tart!" laughed Sheogorath who was spinning and pointing his fingers at everybody.

"FOR THE LOVE OF SPIRITS, CAN WE JUST GO ALREADY!?" roared Saren. The spinning man abruptly stopped, the gray clouds dissipating. _Oh hell. I didn't just invoke his fury, did I?_

"How **rude**. _You_ dare interrupt _me_? Only _I_ interrupt me. Just like that! And then. And- Oh bother. Since you all have strawberry tarts, I believe it's time to leave this boring place behind!"

"You can scurry along now Haskill." nodded Sheogorath. "I'm off to see the Councillors!"

"Yes my lord," replied the apathetic man, before disappearing in a blink of an eye.

Saren gave a long sigh. _This was supposed to be a normal day._


	4. Chapter 3 - The Drunk

**Disclaimer: All Mass Effect and Elder Scroll characters belong to their respective creators.**

 **A/N - Sorry for the slow chapter, been having a slight problem thinking about the confrontation with the head honchos. Meh.**

 **Anywhoozles,**

 **Thank you very much for the follows, faves, and reviews! You guys are the best~**

 **Edit: Oh carp. I just realized the error in the title. Embarrassingly fixed few hours later ;u;. Let's pretend that never happened, shall we?**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - The Drunk**

 **The Citadel, Purgatory Year 2183 - 2230**

As Nihlus walked in, he was expecting a night filled with amorous, dancing bodies. He did _not_ expect to see his teacher, face down on a table, in the corner of the room. After balancing the pros and cons of a drunken Saren, he approached him, taking note of the numerous bottles scattered by the area.

"What are you doing here?"

Rather than lift up his aching head from the table, Saren gave a low grunt that could barely have been heard through the heavy bass of the place. "Nihlus."

"How long have you been here?" he asked, sitting down next to him. "Last I saw you, you were bringing that weird human to the Councillors."

Growling at the word human Saren lifted his head to grab another bottle, only to be stopped by Nihlus. "Hey now, I think you've had enough."

Saren merely glared at him and tilted to bottle to find out that it was empty. Throwing it down next to him, he sighed faced down on the table again.

Nihlus lifted his feet up onto the table. "So, what happened?"

He waited a few minutes before hearing Saren grumble something about the Councillors and anal insertions. _Huh. It was so bad he resorted to human idioms._

Saren lifted his head from the table, gave a long, hefty sigh, and stared into a blank space in front of him.

* * *

 **(Earlier) The Citadel, Citadel Tower - 0900**

 _If I'm going to hear the words cheese and intestine one more time..._

"Oh, chin up," sang the one next to him. "You know, rather than standing here like the buffoon you are, we could be frolicking with severed limbs while taking a gander at passing lilies."

 _And there's the crazy insults._

Saren turned to him. He had to say something before the madman could make him go insane. "I need to know more about you before I introduce you to the Councillors."

Raising an eyebrow, Sheogorath stopped tap dancing and stared at the turian. "I _do_ believe you told me that we were going to see them."

"I did. And we are. I would just like to have some more information about your profession while we wait. Daedric Prince, you said?"

"Indeed I am! Lord of Cheese, Duke of Queso, and Bishop of Fromage. Nice to meet ya."

Saren glared as his translator repeated the same word thrice. "I don't think cheese has anything to do with being a Daedric Prince."

In mock horror, Sheogorath raised his hand to his chest. "Why! The **gall**! I should have you maimed for that! _Buuuuut_ if you ask nicely and say please, I'll tell you all about beautiful moi."

Saren took a step back from the man fluttering his eyelashes. "Wh-NO! Forget it! We can just sort out this mess once the council gets here."

A pregnant silence trickled between them and Saren saw the man give a slight smirk. "Ooh, this one is going to be more fun than his brother..."

Saren nearly broke his neck at the speed he turned his head. "What about my brother?"

"Saren Arterius. What is the meaning of this meeting."

Saren looked straight up to an asari who glowed with indigo grace. Back straight, Councillor Tevos protruded an arrogant but accommodating aura. To her left was a pale salarian who wore ridiculously red and blue colors. Out of the three, Saren disliked Councillor Valern the most due to his passion to declare wars as finished, without thinking about other variables. Yes, this one is going to be the death of everyone, unlike the one right of Tevos. The earth colored turian who wore his white markings with pride always seemed to put Palaven in the spotlight of niceties. Despite being a bit too prideful when others confronted his claims, Councillor Sparatus always seemed to have his head on straight when it came to battles or humans. If someone is publicly against human expansion, that person was okay in Saren's book.

"Councillors, this is Sheogorath. he appeared from a hole in the sky," Saren motioned to the man to walk up to the podium.

"Saren," boomed Sparatus. "You do know, if we hadn't read the reports, we would have retracted your Spectre status and deemed you mentally unfit for duty."

"Yes! The fact that you didn't restrain him when he arrived is a warning sign of your mental instability, Saren!" cried Valern.

 _If that insect doesn't die from old age soon, I'm going to murder him myself. With a spoon._

Sheogorath gave a quiet snort, raising an brow-plate from Saren.

Tevos stared at Sheogorath and clapped her hands behind her back. "So, Sheogorath, how do we know that you are not a terrorist hell bent on ruining Citadel space."

He gave a wide smile and bowed. "All I would like to do is to travel around this universe, spreading the joy of madness everywhere I went."

Valern stood up straight and pointed at him. "This is ludicrous! Saren! Restrain this man and-"

"Not do anything," bellowed Tevos with glassy eyes. Everyone turned to look at her and took a step back.

"Tevos, what do you mean 'not do anything'!? This man is **clearly** insane and requires incarceration!" argued Sparatus.

"Look at him, both of you. What do you see?" Tevos motioned to Sheogorath. "Other than his eccentric wear, he is perfectly capable of blending in with the Citadel community."

 _Huh?_ thought Saren.

"Are you _mad_!?" shouted Tevos, turning towards Sheogorath. "This man is- is certainly a perfect example of salarians everywhere."

 _What?_ Saren turned to an uninterested looking Sheogorath who was whistling. _Is this his doing?_

"Both of you are deranged!" Sparatus exclaimed, slowly turning to Sheogorath.

Saren broke out of his military pose and hurriedly raised a hand. "Wait! Don't-"

"This man is the- the epitome of military tacticians. In fact, he should accompany Saren through all of his missions."

Saren gawked at the turian councillor. _I am not hearing this properly. I must still be affected by that grenade from the mission earlier._

"Didn't we have a brand new ship that was created by your race and humans, Sparatus?" asked Tevos.

Sparatus nodded. "Actually, we were going to send it out on a test run."

Valern tapped his chin for a bit then nodded. "Perhaps our guest could accompany the ship to its destination. He did say that he wanted to travel the galaxy."

"That would be most correct, dear Councillor." smiled Sheogorath.

A moment of silence spread between the Councillors until they all whispered within one another and nodded. "Arterius. You are to escort our visitor through the trip on the ship and assist him with whatever he wishes."

Saren mandibles dropped as he stared at the trio. " **THIS IS INSANE!** "

All three took a startled step back."You have your orders Spectre."

"I have other missions that require my attention immediately!"

"Consider this your highest priority. All others will be spread out between the other Spectres."

"I have a student who's in the middle of their candidacy!"

"Consider them a full fledged Spectre."

"You can't! You must consider my point of view in this matter!"

"How is he in battle, Arterius?"

"He is competent-"

"How is he in tactics, Arterius?"

"He is adequate in-"

"Then it is settled, your student will be a Spectre, effective immediately. If you wish to argue about it more, we will void your status."

Saren silently glared daggers.

"It is settled then. Sheogorath, your ship will be in Dock 22 and will set out tomorrow at 0700. We bid you good day."

Sheogorath slowly turned to Saren with a wacky grin and danced his way out of the tower. Saren just stood still and stared up at the area the Councillors stood. Shaking, he gripped his hands, talons shredding his skin, and screamed.

" **WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-** "

* * *

 **The Citadel, Purgatory Year - 2245**

"Wait wait, back up. I'm a Spectre?" Nihlus questioned wide eyed. His mentor laid back on the table and grunted.

"HOLY SHIT! I DID IT!"

Saren kicked his ex-student off the couch, but Nihlus didn't care how his fringe bent painfully while he was upside down on the ground. _This isn't how your normally supposed to gain your Spectre status but who cares? I DID IT!_

"I have to go and celebrate!" he patted Saren's back. "Don't worry buddy. Your human's going to be with you all the way."

Saren growled and lazily threw whatever was in his hand at him. Nihlus evaded with ease and laughed as his omni-tool glowed with an alert. "Well well! No ceremony but I did receive my mission, so all's good!"

"Get lost." grumbled Saren. Nihlus smiled and began to walk away to read his letter.

Saren sat up and looked at his ex-protogé. "Nihlus."

"Hm?"

"Don't die."

"Will do, Saren." he smiled, leaving his teacher to his alcoholic mess.

Not paying attention to the waiter cleaning around him and putting down more glasses, Saren gave a resounding sigh and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes for a bit, before raising his gun at an Asari trying to seduce him. "You look a bit stressed love. How bout I loosen those pants for you?"

Saren gave a slow blink and stared down at his slacks. _Oh why not._


	5. Chapter 4 - The Ship Part I

**Disclaimer: All Mass Effect and Elder Scroll characters belong to their respective creators.**

 **A/N - Terribly sorry about that once-a-week update doohickey! Exams are forcing me to actually sit down and read text books (rather than fanfics) for once.**

 **Oh, I also decided to stick to 1 POV per ...line(?) area change(?) , to prevent confusion in the future. Sorry about that!**

 **And once again, thank you very much for the follows, reviews, and faves. You guys are seriously awesome ;u;**

 **Happy reading! ;D**

* * *

 **Chapter 4 - The Ship Part I**

 **The Citadel, Dock 22 Year 2183 - 0655**

"Wake up, sleepy head."

Saren gave a low rumble and raised the blanket to his face.

"Haha... You always have the hardest of times waking up, don't you Saren?" the voice chuckled lightly.

He merely grabs a pillow next to him and covers his eyes. "5...more...minutes..."

"Well, in 5 more minutes, the ship's leaving. So get up brother, come find me!"

"Wha-" Saren sat straight up, cracking his back in the process. Hand on the Carnifex next to him, he scans the room to find the voice that was just speaking. He looks down next to him to find the Asari from last night sleeping next to him. He sighs.

 _Who the hell was that?_

He turns on his omni-tool and squints in the darkened room. "Oh son of a..."

He slinks away from the bed and rushes to put on his armor. Making sure he didn't leave a trace of himself, he turns to the sleeping Asari and merely shrugs. _Last night was payment enough_ he thought. And leaves.

* * *

 **The Citadel, Dock 22 - 0658**

 _Ugh... My head feels like it got run over by a stampeding elcor..._

"Saren! Where the hell were you!? We're leaving soon!"

Saren (regretted) spinning his head around and seeing a turian whose chocolate hide could be seen anywhere. "...Nihlus. What are you doing here?"

The new Spectre gave a goofy grin and patted his teacher's back. "Those drinks really did a number on you, didn't they?"

Growling, Saren puffed out his chest as far as he could, trying to look menacing under the weight of the hangover. "You did not answer my question, Nihlus. _Why_ are _you_ here?"

Nihlus was in the middle of lifting a talon when a dark-skinned human began walking up to them. Exerting an aura of prominence and with eyes that have seen the dark side of war, the man could have been one hell of a Spectre. But no, because of his foolish emotions, he was stripped of his candidacy. Of all the people, of all the ships in the galaxy, Saren just happened to be in the same vicinity as one of the humans he hated the most. "I believe I can answer that, Spectre Arterius."

"Anderson," Saren grumbled, staring straight into his eyes. "You don't happen to be the captain of this ship, would you?"

Not breaking eye contact, Anderson nodded at the ship. "Beauty isn't she? State of the art hybrid between turian and human ship schematics, I'm honored to be captain of the _Normandy_."

Saren was about to say something, before he saw a flash of red come up from behind Anderson.

"Sir, we are ready to leave now," said the red-headed human. Upon further inspection, the human was a female wearing a rather daunting set of armor with N7 labeled on the right breast. Despite being around 6 feet tall, the armor wasn't as striking as the rest of her features. Underneath the flowing red fur that made her head look like it was on fire, her eyes, emerald and glowing, were glaring at Saren.

 _Hum. A human biotic, now that's uncommon_ he thought.

"Sir. We were told that a turian was to come on board. Why are there two?"

Saren shifted his gaze onto Nihlus and squinted. "Yes, Nihlus. Why are there two of us here?"

Anderson lifted a hand and shook his head. "It's best not to talk about this out here. We should go inside before Joker decides to take off without us."

Saren watched Nihlus follow Anderson and the red-headed human onto the ship. He, too, was going to take a step towards the frigate, until he saw a grinning human with astonishingly purple and red clothes skip past him.

"Good _day_ , little biscuit!" he smiled, golden eyes gleaming at him. "Are you ready for a cheesy adventure with yours truly?"

 _Oh spirits... That's right. This human, prince, whatever he is, is the reason why I'm even going on this forsaken trip._

"...Come on, let's get on the ship," he replied, rolling his eyes.

Sheogorath raised an eyebrow and his smile erupted into a suspicious grin. "Now, hold on there silver sweetie. You seem a bit under the weather, why not let me help you with that?"

Saren took several steps away from the grinning human. "What? No! Keep away from me!"

Sheogorath merely gave a shrug and snapped his fingers, preventing Saren from lifting the gun from his side. "Oh sweet bone-cheeks, don't worry! You won't be feeling **blue** anymore!"

" **WAIT! STO-** "

* * *

 **The Citadel, The Normandy 0658**

"So, Spectre Kryikk. We were informed that Arterius was going to be doing this job. What's with the last minute change?" asked Anderson.

"You know how the Council is," shrugged Nihlus. "I swear, they change their minds faster than my exes when I get on one knee."

He heard a small snort coming from the fire-furred human next to him. "And this must be Shepard."

Quickly regaining her militaristic attitude, she straightened up and saluted Nihlus. "Yes sir, Jane Shepard, XO to Captain David Anderson, N7 Navy A-574-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Nihlus took a step back. "At ease, Shepard. No need to recite the entire terms and conducts page in the book of meetings."

"I...uh... Sorry about that Spectre Kryikk."

Nihlus gave the turian-equivalent of a grin and extended his hand towards her. "Nihlus is fine, Shepard. Pleased to work with you."

"Same here, Nihlus," she said, with a calming yet vibrant smile.

 _Huh, so the stone-faced commander can smile_ he thought.

"Yes yes, now that introductions are out of the way, can the turian get out _my_ way so that I can finish getting things inside here?"

Nihlus looked down at the annoyed-looking uniformed human in front of him. Unlike Anderson, who radiated strength and knowledge, this bald-headed man was the epitome of the racist underside of the citadel.

Shepard's grin faded into a straight-lipped nod. "Nihlus, meet Charles Pressly, our Navigation Officer. Pressly, this is Spectre Nihlus Kryikk. He will be joining us for the trip."

Pressly gave a haughty huff and eyed the turian. "Yes, so I've heard. Please excuse me, I must finish checking our provisions."

Anderson shook his head and nodded an apology at Nihlus, who replied with a shrug.

"Well, there's at least one in every ship. Can't blame em for these looks." he said, wiggling his brow plates. His smile increased when Anderson gave a small cough and Shepard turned red from holding in her laughter.

"Anyhow, let's give you a tour of this fine frigate, shall we?" motioned Anderson. Nihlus was about to follow him, until he heard a loud boom outside. Grabbing his side pistol, he about faced only to slam into a wall of chitin. Taking a step back, he looked up at the turian whose color was the definition of hot pink. If the turian had a shorter fringe and face, he would have mistaken them for one of those female models on a certain lewd magazine, but no. He recognized those eyes anywhere.

"...Saren...?"

 **"Not. A. Word."** he replied, giving him his trademark death-glare.

It would have worked, if he wasn't glowing as bright as Palaven's sun.

Nihlus couldn't take it anymore.

He broke into the loudest laugh anyone has ever heard.

Narrowly dodging a punch to the face, Nihlus lost his balance and fell on the floor laughing.

"I- Hahahaha! H-How did you *snort* Why- **OH SPIRITS I'M DYING!** " he cackled in between breaths.

Saren gave a loud growl before turning to Anderson.

"I don't suppose you can lead me to an unused room that I can change into my cabin," he said with a straight face.

Anderson nodded and proceeded to lead the pink turian to his chambers.

Nihlus slowly regained his breath while gripping the wall like it was his life-line. "I-I can't breathe. Spirits oh- how did that even happen. I just saw him like a minute ago! He was normal before then- Oh shit oh shit oh shit if I think about it I'll.. D-damn it!" he yelled before breaking into a crying laughter once more.

"Well, at least some of you have a sense of humor," huffed a white-furred man while walking into the ship. "He doesn't even appreciate my painting! How **rude!** "

Clenching his stomach, Nihlus looked up. "A-ahhh. So you're the source of S-Saren's new makeover. Absolutely **love** what you did to him."

"But of course! I have the best sense of aesthetics!" Sheogorath looked down at the shaking turian and smiled. "You don't happen to be in favor of a _makeover_ yourself too, do you?"

Nihlus froze and sat up. "N-nah. I'm good, but if I ever wanted to be a walking piece of bubble gum, I'll call you."

The man shrugged. "What a pity. Oh well, there are places to explore in here. Toodaloo~" he said before skipping into the ship.

Shepard finally unfroze and helped lift Nihlus up. "So... that was..."

 **"A-M-A-Z-I-N-G."** Nihlus breathed.

"Right... Well, I'll be helping Navigator Pressly until we're about to go. Do you need help touring the ship?"

Nihlus patted his back and stretched. "I'm good. I'll see you later, yeah?"

Shepard nodded and left, leaving Nihlus to his thoughts and silent giggles.

 _This is gonna be one hell of a trip._

* * *

 **A/N - I know this may be lacking a bit in the Sheo side, but I wanted to introduce the plot before going all Sheogorath on it. Sorry! _**


End file.
